Oh Muse! I appeal to thee, bestower of voice, granter of artistic license, whisperer of things unborn in this world, come to my aid!
Oh Muse! Of all the wonders of the world, both long dead and buried and still walking on shaky, new-born legs, tell me which to write about, deliver me a narrative, fully formed, that I may share with the world the glory of creation, the workmanship of the gods, and my humble WordPress website.
Oh Muse! Wouldst thou use your sweet sonorous voice, your melodic song of heaven’s gifts, to impart to me that which you deem worthy to share with the world? And can you do it loud in my ear, loud enough to ensure the evil sirens call of fantasy football research does not trap me with its promise of $240, maybe, if I am the best out of twelve teams come January?
Oh Muse! Help me navigate the hoary-capped and ship wrecking waters that compose the Sea of Creation, help me pass through that impossible gauntlet to the shores of new material and viral blog posts, keep my bow true and pointed there, and do not let me sway either port or starboard toward my own personal Scylla or Charybdis, or what is actually watching porn, jerking off, and taking a nap on one side, and unlimited Netflix content on the other. No! Help me stay true! Remind me with your gentle reason that Arrested Development died the first time, that neither god nor man can truly bring it back, and that, well, porn will still be there when I finish writing.
Oh Muse! Silence the city around me that I might partake of your treasures, silence its mighty roar of opportunity and happy hours, its beckoning for me to provide failed actresses and amateur fashion designers from Ohio with comfort, its breathless and irresistible promise of hole-in-the-wall sanctuaries not yet Yelped! Begone devil city!
Oh Muse! Hold my mind and spirit above the shallow preoccupations of the flesh, remind me that no food can satiate the spirit like a 1000 word blog post, gently turn my head away from drink, from summer ale, from all things Dogfish Head, from deep fried Macaroni and cheese, from the opposite as well, from the endorphin haze of a running long distances, from the devilishly deceptive satisfaction of a gym visit, all which I succumb to when I forget that the body will soon be long gone, but a Google PR1 website can live forever in the annals of history, glory, and caches!
Oh Muse! Deliver your wisdom, your story unto me! May I be worthy of you, of your godly heritage, of the many you have spoken to in the past and will continue to speak to in the future! May we bring the world the fruits of our intercourse, the creative delights that together we can use to illuminate the darkness! Oh, speaking of that, I have to buy a light bulb. I should do that now. But when I return Muse, oh Muse, we will begin reshaping the world according to your dreams and desires if you will only let me be your conduit, your vessel!